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Wednesday, July 06, 2011


Paraprosdokian: A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase

 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
 War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
 I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
 Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
 Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
 Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

 Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

 Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
 There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

 I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

 When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Monday, July 04, 2011


Don't say "Our Father" on Sunday and act like an Orphan the rest of the week.


All sin tends to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is what is called damnation. W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973), A Certain World (1970).

As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge. Henry Van Dyke, author (1852-1933).

Every clinging addiction I ever had came from a vain attempt to 'fill my cup' with something other than the Spirit of Christ. Mark Wylie, Young Adult Minister for the University Church of Christ in Denver, CO.

For many, negative thinking is a habit, which over time, becomes an addiction... A lot of people suffer from this disease because negative thinking is addictive to each of the Big Three -- the mind, the body, and the emotions. If one doesn't get you, the others are waiting in the wings. Peter McWilliams.

He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pastor and theologian (1906-1945), Life Together.

I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster, or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of death from being a total surprise. Chuck Palahniuk, Satirist, novelist, b. 1961.

I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

If you don't play, you can't win. Connecticut Lottery advertisement, paid for by politicians with dollar signs in their eyes.

In a consumer society there are inevitably two kinds of slaves; the prisoner of addiction and the prisoners of envy. Ivan Illich (b. 1926), Austrian born American educator and priest.

Men of intemperate mind never can be free. Their passions forge their fetters. Edmund Burke (1729-1797), British statesman.

Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them. Fran├žois duc de la Rochefoucauld, 17th-century French philosopher.

Nothing is stronger than habit. Ovid (43 BC - AD 18).

O what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive! Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832), Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. Ann Landers.

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. John W. Gardner, b. 1912, American Educator.

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits them all. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., American Jurist (1841 -1935).

Sin never fulfills its promises. It will take you farther than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay, and make you pay more than you could ever afford. Ken Davis, from Lighten Up.

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. Thomas Carlyle, 19th-century Scots-English historian, author (1795-1881); Heroes, Hero-Worship and the Heroic in History, (1840).

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. Yiddish Proverb.

There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision. William James (1842 - 1910), The Principles of Psychology (1890).

Tobacco is a filthy weed, That from the devil does proceed; It drains your purse, it burns your clothes, And makes a chimney of your nose. Benjamin Waterhouse, medical doctor (1754 - 1846).

Watch out when you're getting all you want. Fattening hogs ain't in luck. Joel Chandler Harris, American writer (1848-1908).

Why is it drug addicts and computer aficionados are both called users? Clifford Stoll.

You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit. David Ryan.